Saturday, October 11, 2008

Two for you...

One from my old student days - one drunken evening a housemate announced he could 'piss out of his arse at will'. A complete biological impossibility but he was having none of it. A betting war commenced. A few minutes later a group of us followed him into the bathroom, where he stood in the bath then proceeded to take the shower head off the little hose you attatch to the bath taps, turn on the water, shove it up his arse, squat and 'pissed water out of his arse'. Much hysterics, but it's not pissing and his bet was lost. However, he repeated it and as anyone who's seen I'm A Celebrity Give Me An Enema will attest, promptly released a little brown escapee into the bath which he then pushed down the plughole with a finger to the sound of people shouting in disbelief. The bath was never used again...fortunately we had another shower room!

Second story is when I was giving a medical friend a helping hand by drinking a 140ml pot of double cream then letting them take blood later on to check for cholesterol levels. That much double cream is about twice as much as the daily recommended intake for a bloke - quite a lot in one go. I went out that night for a few beers and managed to end up going home with a young lady. Next morning I woke up nice and early with the urge for a post-beer cock-a-doodle-poo. Fortunately, her bedroom was next to the loo...not far to go. Unfortunately, having that much concentrated fat in your poo really, really increases the bouyancy of them. This shit would just not go down. Six flushes later and they'd finally been persuaded to go out to sea. When I got back to the room the girl had been woken up by the sound of excessive flushing and was wondering what the hell I'd been doing. Needless to say, I didn't see her again!

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